The Island of Misfit Boys

We got underway the other day, with the knowledge that the next time we pull into port it will be back in the US. Back on American soil for the first time in months, since we started our slow winding ark across the Caribbean to the Pacific. After that it is just a short stop in a southern port before we proceed up along the coast to home.

 I’m excited, to be sure. The bright blue waters of the Caribbean seem to match my mood. I miss home. I miss the ability to reach out and connect with friends so easily (my cell phone will work again as of this weekend and I cannot wait). I miss my house, my dog, my fiance. I miss being able to go out and have a beer with friends or watch a baseball game on tv. 

 I am also excited to share the things that happened. Our last liberty port was outstanding. A fun few days in the sun with friends. Cheap Panamanian beer, wonderful Cuban cigars (I mean, of course not), great times with friends. The story of how I almost (legitimately) died? A classic I will have to share (and soon, what a tease I apparently am).

 But on the other hand, I’m nervous. What will it be like to be back? Will the issues that came up during the deployment come back? My relationship almost ended at one point, burdened with the reality of my deployment schedule and the complexities of being away for months on end. We’re better now, probably better than before, but it still isn’t easy, and the next one will be twice as long, and after that there will be more, probably many more.

And then there’s the  reality that I’m simply not the person I was when I left. Not in a good or a bad way, but you change. You live a separate life for months at a time. You have incredible experiences, and then you go back to a life, and a job, that is unchanged in a lot of ways.

 A dear friend of mine flew home from our liberty port and we have talked about being back from what is also her first deployment. She said it doesn’t feel real, and it’s a comment I’ve heard from other people. Your normal life seems distant, like you’re there but you’re still somewhere else. I don’t know if it will be the same for me, I don’t know if I’ll be able to seamlessly slip back into the life I left, I don’t know if it’s in my nature.

So we push on and I find myself a bundle of nerves and excitement as we get closer. The days have trickled down into the single digits, and soon I’ll see for myself what it is like to be back.

So we got underway again, beginning our slighly lazy and roundabout voyage home. There are a few brief stops along the way, but we are moving, slowly but surely, back home.

Being underway always relaxes me, there’s something about moving around on the ocean that is poetic, it appeals to my adventurous side. When “anchors aweigh” is called and we hear “underway, shift colors,” I know that we’re on to something new and exciting, the next chapter is about to begin.

I stumbled across the following quote this morning and found it applicable.

The sea is everything. It covers seven tenths of the terrestrial globe. Its breath is pure and healthy. It is an immense desert, where man is never lonely, for he feels life stirring on all sides.
-Jules Verne

So, while the last month has been draining, and while I still have a million things to do, I feel a lot more peaceful when we’re out here and I can always see something like this:

IA. It stands for “Individual Augmentation.” Not necessarily a well known program, but it takes Navy and Air Force personnel and attaches them to Army/Marine units operating overseas. It’s a way of filling gaps without calling up reservists and national guard units, given how things are still stretched a little thin over there (and have been for a while now).

So, I’m going on one, leaving soon, for Iraq.

There are two competing ways that I look at this. The first is that I’m excited for the opportunity. It’ll be great professionally, giving me a leg up later on. It’ll be a great experience too, to be there, to work in theater, to do some good in support of everything going on there.

The second is that I’m spending a lot of time deployed. A whole lot.

I once said to a friend that I wish I could pause time while I’m away, things change and there are memories you miss. You miss your birthday, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Then you miss another birthday. It’s a lot of time spent away from home, missing holidays and special events. Sometimes you realize the magnitude of what you’re missing and it just hits you as being very sad.

So there are two sides to it all, and so it makes it bittersweet news. It’s a lot of time preparing to go or being gone, and not a lot of time enjoying home.

Before deploying, there is a mad dash of things to get together. When you deploy on short notice, it’s even worse. I spent most of the last few weeks before this deployment getting things ready to go. There are a million tasks that need to get done. All the paperwork for your life needs to be in order, bills need to be autopaid, you need to get everything ready so you can go (The next deployment, which I found out about today, will be a bit different from a shipboard one, though I will be talking about soon).

There are, of course, the multitude of uniform items you don’t need when off the ship (like the Navy Working Uniform, if I’m in the mood to complain). However, there are also the random things you don’t think about when you’ll be living on a ship for the next four months:

Things I bought (either at the NEX, or during a massive walmart run):

1. A sleeping bag. I had heard it was cold in the berthing spaces, though I’ve ended up using it as extra padding on the tiny thing that passes as a matress.
2. A pillow. Most of the pillows onboard the ship seem to be older than I am, so I got a new one.
3. Bug repellant/sunscreen. I bought more than I needed, as I don’t get off the ship as much as I had hoped to.
4. A lot of books of all types and genres. I’ve made my way through a good amount of them (though, as noted below, I didn’t necessarily make the best choices).
5. My daily supply of anti-malarial meds, which make me prone to sunburns.

Things I had to order, or have sent to me, because I didn’t get them, or didn’t get enough, and needed them: 

1. More soap/deodorant. Working in tropical climates leads you to really underestimate the amount of times you will need to shower.
2. A portable hard drive. It makes it a lot easier to swap movies/music with friends, and also allows you to send pictures home (thumb drives having been banned).
3. Snacks. The food, as mentioned, hasn’t been great.

Things I should have brought with me:

1. Another thin towel. I brought one normal bath towel and one towel that I guess you would call a beach towel. The normal one just doesn’t dry, probably because of the moisture in the air. So I end up washing the other one twice a week because I use it exclusively.
2. DVD’s. I can’t believe I overlooked this when I was packing. Since you can’t go anywhere at night, one of the best things to do is watch a movie with your friends (if you have free time).
3. A bit more light reading. I brought a few novels, but went heavy on the military history. Normally I love to read that, but when you spend 15 hours pouring through somewhat dense work, you need something a bit easier
4. Better civilian clothes. I threw a few in a bag as a last minute thing, and as it turns out on the few times we get liberty what I have is not what I want.
5. A second pair of sunglasses. Because I’m clumsy and now I have zero pairs here.

I guess after a while this will become a bit of a science, but as of yet I’m still trying to learn. I have a lot to talk about over the next few days, with news of my next adventure coming as I wind down this one.

This week, along with the shipment of fresh fruits (finally), came the mail that has been a month in coming. As my birthday fell during the earlier part of the month without mail there were quite a few birthday gifts and cards mixed in with the batch (I’m actually impressed by people who managed to get cards to me before the mail was turned off because it evidences some real forward thinking, I’m looking at you, by the way).

And my birthday? Was a lot of fun. I spent it with some great friends, saw some amazing sites, and generally enjoyed myself. It was a relaxed day on the ship, which gave free time to take in the scenery, wander around, and generally enjoy myself.

It struck me the other day though, that as I spent this birthday deployed, I’ll be spending my next one deployed too. The years will mirror each other in odd ways. I’ll spend 6-7 months of this year and 6-7 months of next year deployed, far from home, off enjoying new places.

I miss things about home though. I miss decent food, a comfortable bed, beer, watching the Red Sox, and spending time with MD and MG (misfit dog and misfit girl, respectively). A good friend mentioned the other day that it feels like it should still be April at home, as if things should have paused when we pulled away from the pier. This is certainly true. It seems like I should be able to return home and have nothing changed.

This is really a competing impulse though. The other night I stood out on the side of the ship and watched a magnificent thunderstorm light up the skies over a gorgeous tropical landscape. Right then, watching the spectacular site unfold in front of me, I realized how much I love what I do, despite any sacrifices involved.

I hope everyone enjoys the holiday!

Three days ago I awoke to find myself off the coast of the most beautiful landscape I think I’ve ever seen. It is gorgeous here, and I feel peaceful just looking out on the sight before me.

Of course, this was also the time that things hit the fan at work.

It’s the little interesting parallels that keep things interesting. The balance of the universe, if you will.

To date, things professionally have been going well. I feel like this deployment has afforded me some real chances professionally. I love the work, I love the challenges of deployed life, I’ve really felt like an integral part of the team.

Things at home, however, have been rough. The deployment has caused a lot of issues on the homefront. The distance, the issues with communications when you’re in the middle of the ocean four time zones away, these all combined into a pretty nasty cauldron. The issues started early, and reached a bit of a fevered pitch that cast everything into doubt.

But now, things are calmer. We’re moving in a much better direction, and for the first time in a while I get the feeling that we’ll be able to overcome the issues between us.

However, as previously mentioned, work is crazy now. To date, it has been enough to do my job well and everyone got along and all was well. The other day though, I found myself actively being screwed by someone. It’s a unique experience, to have a conversation with someone where they smile to your face, only to confirm a few hours later that you they decided to screw you in front of your boss.

So when things were well professionally, they were poor personally. Now that things are better personally, things are bad professionally. At least momentarily, out here, in this wonderful part of the world, literally anything seems possible.

More tomorrow, when I am not so tired. One thing I have still not gotten used to is the absolute lack of sleep, and the long nights since the beginning of our latest operation are starting to wear on me. A good night’s sleep, and tomorrow is a new day.