The Format and the Future August 25, 2009
Posted by imfb in Deep Thoughts.trackback
So I’m unhappy with the format here, and I don’t think I’ve ever quite managed to find a way that this has really worked for me.
I started writing nearly two years ago. I was at a down point in my life and it helped to push the words out. I was ultra-vague about my job, which was heavily influenced by my wish to remain anonymous. I still have that desire, even though some of you know me and talk to me. I’ve just never wanted to be out there.
So away I typed and it was fine. I was mostly talking about personal stuff, my life was at a funny spot, and professionally there was absolutely nothing happened. Work wasn’t a big part of my life, so there wasn’t any stirring need to change the way things were done.
I took a short break with the blowup after the breakup and switched blogs (note: breaking in full “view” is never a good thing, I’ll chalk this up to lessons learned). At that time I was switching gears though, working hard, seeing how my life changed so much depending on my circumstances. Will I be here next year? How about next month? At what point will I deploy to who knows where?
So I took a long break. At that point I wasn’t even being totally forthcoming about my job, so a lot of what I said didn’t make sense. I wasn’t happy with what I was pushing out to the world but at the same time I wasn’t willing to lay out who I am. Did I miss writing? Yes. But more, I missed what other people were writing. I missed keeping up, and honestly I was bad at it for a while.
So I came back. I was honest about my job. It’s a big Navy, after all. And now after 2 sites and 2 breaks I’m still writing and still feeling unfulfilled. I want to write freely and openly about my life and about my experiences. I love my job, I want this to be my career. But at the same time, I would hate for this to ever be something that hurt me. Maybe the various and sundry stories about outed bloggers have taken my paranoias to a new level.
In the end, I’ve come to a point where I’m still not happy with what I feel comfortable sharing. The format I’ve chosen holds me back, but at the same time I don’t know that I could really move this in another direction. I’m left half-assing it without a clear picture of how I can get it to a better place.
So I’m going to think about this. I’m not necessarily leaving, but I need to figure out a way to make this work better. It might be changing the format. It might be giving up this little project. Regardless, it needs to get figured out, because the initial fun has been quickly fading into a quagmire of unfulfilled expectations.
Your thoughts are always welcome.
Perhaps the catharsis of blogging is partly the recording of writing, partly the connection it brings you with other people, and partly the community you develop as a result. Now that you’ve developed that community, you can create a locked blog and still maintain it, opening it only to those you trust and know. That may allow you to continue to write without the fear of sacrificing your job or really offering your Employer any reason to be upset with you.
It’s just a thought. I’d hate to see you stop, but I’m sort of at a similar point. I very much want to write more about things, but I don’t feel comfortable doing it in an environment that is so open and so very unanonymous.
Think hard. Don’t give up something that’s important to you.
I struggle with this too. While technically I’m anonymous to an extent, I still talk about my job and if anyone knew me in real life they’d know right away it was me (woah convoluted sentence batman!). Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it, putting info about myself online. I definitely don’t write with earth shattering ability but I enjoy it – the group, the relaxation/catharsis it provides me while writing.
I’d miss you if you left, just as I missed you before. I think you’re a great writer, but you definitely have to follow your heart. Do what’s best for you.
I hope you’ll stay and write more…
whatever you decide, i hope you stay in touch… afterall we’ll practically be neighbors in a few weeks!
i’ve struggled with the whole anonimity thing (i think every blogger has) and for me with my low reader count i’ve decided to open up my life a little more and just make it password protected when i do. that way i still can continue on with my anony. posts but also get to control who hears/sees more about my life.
good luck!
so I’ve been meaning to comment on this post for ages … thinking, I think, that if I waited long enough I’d have just the most perfect and insightful words. I’ve since given up on that, but will say this: I really think that blogs exist for a certain time, a certain window of life. For me (and you), it was never meant to be forever.
I’ve come a long, long way since blogging, and magda’s space means something different to me now than it did when I first opened the account. I know almost everyone who reads now, but so many people I knew back in the day have no idea. It’s a strange balance, and it isn’t going to go till forever. I’ve loved reading you here, and knowing you outside, and that, I’d say, makes it worth it. Sometimes the most valuable things are things we never saw coming, never thought we’d find; the things we thought we’d gain weren’t really as great as all that.
We’ll be in touch, xx.