Playing Grown Up August 14, 2009
Posted by imfb in Deep Thoughts.trackback
I was talking to a dear friend today when I made the comment that she agreed with, “I feel like I’m playing grownup.” She agreed. It’s a funny feeling to have.
Every day I go to work in a professional job that I’m apparently qualified to do. People come to me, and place in me their trust. Trust not to screw up in a way that would mess up their careers, lives, and/or aspirations. I wonder sometimes where this trust comes from. “I was playing video games and watching an episode of Mad Men last night, obviouslyou have the wrong guy” flashes through my mind.
Of course, I don’t say that. I do my job, apparently I do it well, and people respect that. But it doesn’t feel real sometimes, like the rest of my life.
I’m getting married. Soon. I own a house. And a car. I have bills (including a mortgage on said house). This playing a grown up thing makes me wonder, from time to time, when I’ll actually feel grown up. When I’ll stop feeling like an overgrown kid in a grownup world. Is it when I have kids? When I hit 30? 40?
I mean, for now I’m content to play grownup five days a week and come home to my house (with my huge tv, dog, and fiance), but I’m trying to figure out at which point I become an actual adult.
Thoughts?
i’m pretty confident that the answer is “Never”
i imagine that even at 85 i’ll still feel like a 16year old fakin’ it
I absolutely feel like this all the time. I’m qualified to do my job? I’m getting married? I live with a boy and own a car and pay bills? Oh, I’m so grown up. Except usually I feel about 19.
All I know is I felt like I was 16 and then suddenly I bought a house, had a mortgage to pay and realised that I am ultimately responsible for my own destiny… if that makes sense. It’s shit scary. We are all in the same boat… thanks for the birthday wish by the way