The Island of Misfit Boys

We got underway the other day, with the knowledge that the next time we pull into port it will be back in the US. Back on American soil for the first time in months, since we started our slow winding ark across the Caribbean to the Pacific. After that it is just a short stop in a southern port before we proceed up along the coast to home.

 I’m excited, to be sure. The bright blue waters of the Caribbean seem to match my mood. I miss home. I miss the ability to reach out and connect with friends so easily (my cell phone will work again as of this weekend and I cannot wait). I miss my house, my dog, my fiance. I miss being able to go out and have a beer with friends or watch a baseball game on tv. 

 I am also excited to share the things that happened. Our last liberty port was outstanding. A fun few days in the sun with friends. Cheap Panamanian beer, wonderful Cuban cigars (I mean, of course not), great times with friends. The story of how I almost (legitimately) died? A classic I will have to share (and soon, what a tease I apparently am).

 But on the other hand, I’m nervous. What will it be like to be back? Will the issues that came up during the deployment come back? My relationship almost ended at one point, burdened with the reality of my deployment schedule and the complexities of being away for months on end. We’re better now, probably better than before, but it still isn’t easy, and the next one will be twice as long, and after that there will be more, probably many more.

And then there’s the  reality that I’m simply not the person I was when I left. Not in a good or a bad way, but you change. You live a separate life for months at a time. You have incredible experiences, and then you go back to a life, and a job, that is unchanged in a lot of ways.

 A dear friend of mine flew home from our liberty port and we have talked about being back from what is also her first deployment. She said it doesn’t feel real, and it’s a comment I’ve heard from other people. Your normal life seems distant, like you’re there but you’re still somewhere else. I don’t know if it will be the same for me, I don’t know if I’ll be able to seamlessly slip back into the life I left, I don’t know if it’s in my nature.

So we push on and I find myself a bundle of nerves and excitement as we get closer. The days have trickled down into the single digits, and soon I’ll see for myself what it is like to be back.